cookie-crumbling sweetness

Hark! No angels are calling, but they might as well be because that's what they apparantly do. Ok, so that made no sense and was probably my worst introductory sentence ever. On to the more important stuff, which involves a summary of a certain time period chosen by moi (usually between 2 days and 5 months...). Saturday night was an event planned all the way from Tuesday; there were saucy rumours, saucy activities and saucy foods all round (courtesy of the strapping young chaps who, most certainly weren't, definately could not have been, under the influence of alcohol).

So, after you've digested that twisted, multi-directional paragraph, I shall continue with some more words to sate your appetite for, uh, cookies.

Firstly, I lied about sating your appetite, fatty.

Now that's settled, I'll get into a little more detail about what actually happened; and I will of course leave some things out and be vague, for privacy's sake, or because I generally couldn't be bothered describing it. I was the first to arrive by several hours, which is beyond a miracle. FACT: I am never, not ever, infinitely not, early; normally I'm the last person to arrive by many minutes, leaving everyone twitching with anticipation of my arrival. But not Saturday, oh no, I was Mr. Showupbeforethestore'sopen Jnr. Wasn't such a bad thing, but it felt weird, and ironically, I didn't even have a watch on.

So, after some idle mingling with the occupants of the house ("host/hostesses"), guests number Two and Three arrived, and with non-alcoholic beverages.* This caused more idle mingling and, inevitably, the Table Tennis games to begin. It was a revisit to my uni days; showing up early to lectures, always prepared and studying hard to get those good grades.**

I am indeed the undisputed Professor of Ping Pong***, the Truest of Table Tennis***, the-- ok, you get it. During my tiresome campaign of bat-swinging, more guests arrived, too numerous to number (6?). Thus, the drinking began.

Seats were taken, bottles and cans were relentlessly sent to their empty graves and the banter was lively and, for the most part, coherent. So, you want highlights. Here goes:

1. The "Sobering third breast" - An empty 2L water bottle wedged in a female's shirt, leaving the top protruding out the top.

2. [Removed]

3. The saucy rumours! Some of which involved me. Actually, it was pretty unsaucy; it was laughable, not edible, even as a metaphor.

4. [Removed]

5. [Removed]

Then everyone disappeared, leaving just a couple of drinker-happy compatriots behind for the crashing over. It took awhile, but eventually we settled into a bedroom; all four of us, after some extensive can-crushing. In the morning, we were protesting about a trip to Tin-ah-roo at 8:30am, and ended up staying in bed, except one of us. Dicer.

Yep, there was surprise vomiting (elsewhere), heated debates, saucy steak burgers and alcohol. And, very surprisingly, I saw more people, that I knew, at McDonalds the following morning than anywhere else. Now, this was in the morning and at a McDonalds' store that is NOT in a central location. Weird, I know. If anyone had told be me I'd bump into them there, I would have simply asked "What the fuck would they be doing there, at that time (besides the obvious)??"

Before I leave you fine reader(s), I must add that, according to sources on the night, the town was "fucking going off, it was mad."

* Blatant lie, it was obviously alcohol.
** Another blatant lie; I skipped more lectures than a skipper skips, uh, boats... and I don't "do" study. And the hell with good grades.
*** Yes, blatant lie #3; I am not those titles. Maybe I was once, but that was only one lunchbreak and a the odd streak here and there. It's behind me now, let it go, man.