retail therapy

Ah, retail. What a wonderful concept. That marvelous end-of-the-line for products and middle-man between customers and production lines.

But how do you convince somebody to buy what your company sells? It shouldn't be too hard, should it, I mean they had to have wondered in with the intention of buying something. Ha! Pity that is not the case, as customers are given FTMO; Far Too Many Options. It all boils down to price. It's mostly true that expensive items are higher quality, but only mostly. You don't always get what you for. Sometimes you literally don't get what you pay for.

So, back to point. You earn a commission and you need to get products out the door. Forget morals, honesty and humanity, you have to get that dollar in your (company's) hand. Also, remember this: Customer service isn't about providing personal service, it's about making sure they spend money.

Now, to the magical method on making those buckaroos:

Basics: Start by telling your customer what the product/service is, how it works and what it's called.
Utility: Inform them what it is used for and why. Go on with its best application.
Lie: Make something seem more awesome than it is. If you don't know the real answer to any queries, this is where you pretend.
Lie more: Mention that you would definitely purchase the product/service, that your family/friend already has and that it is great.
Sell: Time's up, you gotta sell now. No price should have been mentioned until now (sure, it's labeled, but you weren't acknowledging that until you've created the image of value).
Honesties: Throw some truth in so it looks like you care. Talk about a disadvantage or two, but it make it pale in comparison to the sheer awesomeness of the product/service.
Intimate: Be a friend. You care and you're not like those other fake salesmen. Make a joke, laugh, tell them you love their eyes...
Transaction: Booya! Congratulations, you got the money and are free to run. The delicate dance is over and you can move on to the next victim, you money-vampire.

If the above method doesn't work, don't worry, it's all bullshit anyway.

- G

Commission is nice until you realise
That you're exactly like a company:
Screwing people for money.
I just want them to like me...
I shoulda been a hero.

just a short one

There is a moth that has taken residence in the bathroom and toilet. It is the colour of cherry and likes to hang around doors. It just sits silently and watches. I do not know what it eats or where it goes when it isn't around (if it is ever not around...) and I do not know where it came from.

All I know is that I see it when I am naked, it is alive and it doesn't fear close contact with a naked creature a thousand times its size.

Unlike a spider behind the towels I discovered one day, this moth won't be squished into mush. It was a mercy killing of sorts for that spider.

"Why?" it said. Not afraid or pleading, just sincerely curious.

"It is better then the embarrassment of scaring someone naked and having them squawk at you until you come to the same sad end as now, by the same shoe. Go in peace, my arachnid voyeur-friend."

WHAM! WHAM!

No, this moth won't be so squished. When I don't see it anymore I will a little sad, despite the perverted nature of the bug.

Speaking of nudity, today while I squatted (bend at the knees; your back is not a crane!) to lower a boxed chair to the ground something between my legs ripped. At first, I thought it was my slacks. Thought I was doomed to spend hours walking the floors with ripped pants. A quick grope revealed it wasn't my pants, but rather my boxers underneath.

Not so bad.

- G

throw caution to the wind
as a butterfly on its wings
to find a blooming flower
or a captivated being
to share a single moment
and all that we're seeing