speech therapy

I've always found it interesting how people speak differently and pronounce words in different ways, especially when they are from different countries or nationalities. It's odd how your environment can shape the way you say things. I guess we're all just parrots that want to mimic what we hear around us. I wonder if you'd make truck noises if that's all you really heard for many years (you liked the culture of trucks or something). Probably.

Anyway, I was on the phone to my beloved when we got talking about birthdays. I'm getting close to 22; I'm old she says. Yeah, well you're almost 18 missy.

Then there was laughter. She was laughing at the way I said 18: I suppose it sounded like a-dean, and I suppose that's funny when it should sound like eighteen. The funny thing is, I know how it should sound, because I usually figure how words are pronounced by the way they look. Eighteen is obviously not a-dean, and yet I say it like that. So, she's laughing at me and I repeat it for her amusement, like a circus monkey.

From there we talk about words and accents. Americans pronounce every letter, especially r. You may have noticed this when you listen to them. I think they also stretch out some endings, like yeahh, but probably not. They definitely do pronounce almost every letter as much as possible.

Like solar. Sole-arr. Not sola. Sole-arr.
Watermelon? Worterr-mal-oen.
Okay I might have stretched it a bit there, but nevertheless behold the laziness of Australians:

Battery - bat-er-e right? Wrong! Try Batchry. Yes, batchry.

Adean solea batchries thanks mate! Crikey, tell ya whadda think about it ya bloody drongo.

We Orsies (Ozzies, Aussies, Australians, Orstraliens, whatever) tend to skip letters - Sundy, Sat'dy) or get lazy and mash letters together (batchry). Butchya know wha'? I blame the early British. They send their convicts over here, which at the time is the middle of nowhere - Sidneh! - to do some in primitive little settlements and what does the world expect - we speak elegantly? The audacity, mon!

And how's this: mum and mom. The spelling and pronunciation of that word has to be one of the most debated. At least the spelling matches the pronunciation this time. It's just... different.
Ay mUm!
Hey morm.

I know my mUm says menu like minew.

Muther, mother. Father, farther. Brother, brutha, brew, bro. Yo-yo and a ho-ho.

I have an idea to settle every pronunciation and spelling debate across the globe: Just agree that the Kiwis say everything funny, especially their 'i's.

Yeh, I'll have soom feush 'n' cheups thanks brew. Seux dollahs? Man you reuppin me off brew!

As for me, I have no idea what my accent is. Sometimes I may sound like I'm from Home and Away, sometimes not (according to one source). But I couldn't even do an impersonation of an exaggerated Australian accent!

Maybe I should watch more American-made films with 'Australians' in it. By the way, it's Melbin, not Mel-born. Yes, it is spelled Melbourne, but it's our city damnit, say it like we do!

Or I'll, um, move to Sidneh and start speaking like Steve Erwin.

-G ζ.

I collect lightning in jars for a living
and I have no idea what the fuck you just said

reel fish a-fryin'

Okay, so I finally got the music post out of the way. It wasn't really an update, I've just wanted to write that since about five months ago. Now that it's done I can rest soundly (pwow!) and introduce the present and recent haps'.

Last week there was a visitor from the states. The Unites States that is. He was around for three days and for me personally it was great to get out and hang around what I call the "Cairns crew" - something I don't do often enough. We are all so busy (or they are... whatever). Regardless, Greg (visitor) was good value and had many interesting tales to tell. Honestly, I think we are carved from the same block, or parallels; brothers from different mothers. It was pretty cool, and at times a little spooky, when we stumbled upon striking similarities in likes, dislikes and sometimes even personality.

One of the craziest was definitely when we were hanging out in the shopping center and went to grab some coffee. I confessed I wasn't really a coffee drinker (though you may remember I have braved a double black thanks to a previous US friend!) but my favourite was white chocolate mocha. 'Lo and behold, it was also his. But, you see, we both preferred tea normally.

If we were girls we'd totally be rocking up to parties in the same outfit. And we'd probably be lesbians. Man, I went there, and I can't go back...

But seriously, it was really a good few days, even if he did miss his flight Thursday evening in a classic way. You know when you're sitting there with others and joking about stuff happening and then it does? Yeah, that happened. Good times... desperate times.

I'll have to make a trip over to the states sometime before I make a trip six feet under (which should be easy, since I will never pass away suckers). I'll steer clear of East St. Louis and Disneyland though.

Speaking of which, I used to note what kind of day I've been having on the Milo scale when I updated daily at about this time. So, for the sake of tradition today, and actually most days now, is a totally cool glass of Milo with ice and the freshest milk.

It's really good right now for one and many reasons. I like this. I like where this is going - and I'm pretty excited about a story I am writing!

Periodi molto buoni.

- P ζ.

two souls alone together in nowhere
are more in company than
two million alone amidst each other
so come away with me

lyrically speaking

Ah, music. There's not many people who would say they didn't like it at all. In fact I think it would be a challenge to find anyone who didn't like music of some kind. People can say they prefer movies over books and don't like to read (lazy swine!) or vice versa; they can say they don't like the Television because, well, it sucks most of the time. But music, oh no, everybody loves something about music. It is ambient, everywhere - it can reach you when you're sleeping, or while you're trying to sleep. It can be the incessant racket down the road at 3am that you'd rather didn't play - incessant to you, maybe, but glorious and necessary to the people playing it, drunk as they probably are.

It can make you yearn for different times, provoke memories and even feelings of places you've been. You can remember doing something through a song. Moods are set - something as simple as people shopping can be given a different mood through music. Amazing!

Naturally it is not perfect in all its forms. There are many kinds and nobody will agree on everything. One person's shit music is another's favourite. Though, let's be honest, some music is just bad and we all know what I'm talking about. And sadly it's more frequent these days as production lines roll off these clones we all want to set on fire.

But enough on that... I'll talk about me and what I like. I am a bit of a music whore, like many, and don't religiously stick to one genre or band, and instead prefer to keep my mind and ears open to a good song. I like to think I have songs for every mood, except angry and bitter.

There are some songs though that I can't get enough of and always come back to playing , because I like to listen to them after the ten thousandth time. I tend to favor good lyrics - either corny or deep - mixed with excellent sounds. I am not a connoisseur or anything, but I have my own love and now I shall share with a short list of my all time favourites.

Greg's All Time Favourite Music List That May or Not Be the Same Next Year
although to be honest it's not really a list in any order

Ooo, bold and italic! Fancy stuff. Anyway, the first song that comes to mind is With or Without You, by U2. It's just one of those classics I loved a long time ago and only recently got back onto my play list. The lyrics are some of U2's best I think - they describe things you could probably see yourself relating to somehow, if not exactly. It's got a nice simple tune with nothing fancy - just a good old fashioned song from when U2 was at their best with the Joshua Tree.

Next I'm going with Remy Zero - Shattered. It's a recent song on my list, but I loved it from the start. It's one of those gems you pickup out of the blue and enjoy again and again. It also has a bit of a secret meaning to me that at least one of you out there knows. The lyrics are excellent and the music behind them doesn't interfere and my imagination can run a little wild. It's a song that invokes emotions in me and I absolutely love that.

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know. At first I thought the singer was a girl and I've actually had two different versions of it (by version I mean only in file). It was a good song when I first heard it, but it wasn't until recently that it came packaged with a different meaning. Simple tune that really suits the lyrics create a beautiful mood.

Now for a Change of Seasons. Done by Dream Theater who never cease to amaze me with their prowess in lyrics and sounds. This song goes for 23 minutes (no, really) but it really isn't long enough when I am listening to it. Really it is a few songs in one that transition seamlessly, but it tells a story of life and is presented in a way I enjoy endlessly. Definitely an all-time favourite for a long time!

Led Zeppelin. Kashmir. Probably enough said right there. I simply cannot explain why this song is as good as it is, it just hits me. The lyrics are just insanely unique to the point of stuffing your brain with all kinds of images, none of which are interrupted by insane tunes - actually, the music itself pales in comparison to the lyrics which are sung with that somehow sexually charged way. It's an absolute classic I could listen loudly to all day. I guess it just reminds me of the mind.

I'd love to write about more songs that are technically on my all-time favourites "list" but that would take too much time. I mean, there are songs like For Crying Out Loud (Meatloaf) that just don't have any modern day relatives. There are songs that I may not even know about yet that are just waiting to be heard.

And much the same for us all.

- P ζ.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high and true, when movin through Kashmir

we value your call

What is the deal? Somebody tell me what the deal is with these automated answering messages that want you to tell them what you require. I understand the need to direct caller traffic, but what was wrong with using a numbered menu? You know, "Press 1 if you want to complain about automated messages not listening and interrupting you."

I don't get how anyone thought that getting people to say what they wanted would be an awesome idea. Did they consider accents? A need to be discrete? Noooo.

So there I was calling Customer Care. I just wanted to change a plan around. It wasn't supposed to be a challenge or take longer than, say, 5 minutes. But it was and it did. I can't blame the operators either, because they were a light at the end of this automated tunnel. I'll do my best to recall the "conversations."

"Welcome to Customer Care. In a few words, please describe what you are calling for"
me: .... plan
"Sorry, please describe what you are calling for... "
me: pl-
"For example: mobile plans, general enquiry, products, new accounts."
me: mob-
"You can say any of those. So, what is the purpose of your call?"
me: mobile plan
"I'm having difficulty understanding. Please say what you are calling for."
me: mo-bile plaaan
"Sorry, if you are calling for mobile phones, please press 1. If you are calling for something else, please press 2."
me: *one*
"Thank you, I will direct you to an operator who will assist you."

And of course I forgot what number I needed, so I hung up on an operator. They'd understand, and it saved time.
Of course this meant I had to call again.

The second time around I honestly got lost in this labrynth of automated responses. I had to try again. And again. It was getting pretty crazy and I was bordering between yelling and laughing at myself yelling.

"Welcome to Customer Care. In a few words, please describe what you are calling for"
me: Mo-Bile PLaanN
"Okay, was that mobile plans? Please say yes or no."
me: yes
"Please just say yes or no. Was that mobile plans?"
me: Yesss
"Thank you. Are you calling for the number you are using now? Just say yes or no."
me: no
"Sorry, please just say yes or no. Is this the number you are calling for?"
me: NO FUCK YA
"Okay! I will direct you to an operator who will answer assist you further. Thank you for calling Customer Care."

And then I'm put on hold with really bad music before I finally managed to speak with someone real. I was so happy I wanted to cry.

Although the operator I spoke to had a habit of going "mmhm?" after everything he said. I think he meant it as "Understand?" "Right?" "Capiche?"

Mmhm?

- G