the stripper who loved me

Well.. it's been a while. Again. I have some good news, some bad news and some ugly news. But first, I'll begin with the sexy news. About two (2) days ago, I got a haircut. Oh noes! Oh yeos! I did. Fret not though, for I refuse to part with all my hair. Just the massive clump that can get a bit wild. Wild like a Friday night at a strip club! Which is where I was last Friday. Free entry, expensive drinks and of course a lap dance. The original plan was to have a 10pm rendezvous at the Club. The actual plan turned out to involve a meet at a different bar, drinks and making our way to the Club in pairs. Why? Because we had 4 (four) VIP passes for two (2) , and didn't want to make it seem we were all in one large, illegit group. Naturally there was an odd number of people present so someone had to suck it up and go alone. Of course that person was me.

Apparantly it was decided we needed to drink as much as possible beforehand. So I rebelled and took my time. I didn't need liquid courage. My drink list for the night was:

-:- Two (2) "Schooners" of Beer
-:- 1 (one) Bottle of Smirnoff Black
-:- One (1) Shot of Absinthe (Like liquid licorice except... brain cells disappear)

Which isn't much. I was the 2nd (second) group to head over. By group I mean person and by head over I mean get slightly sidetracked for 50mins. It was about 40mins before I realised the ticket stated it was valid until 11pm. By then I was pretty far from the destination. So I did what anyone would do and walked a little bit faster.

11:05pm. Calm, cool and collected I approached the desk and was ushered inside without a word about the expiry time.

Inside. I do a lap, keeping an eye out for my friends and hot females who dance. Upon finding the latter, I make my way to the bar and purchase the Smirnoff Black I mentioned earlier. Expensive, but who cares when you've got a shot of Absinthe swimming in your blood stream. My keen eyes then picked out the friends, sitting just in front of the stage, enjoying the displays of some not-so-hot stripper. Long story short, they left, declaring that they'd been there an hour already. They also decided to mention that I "missed out" on the best show. Ha! Turns out it was they who missed the best show. My show, bitches. No, I didn't strip... or did I?!

I refused to leave after just arriving, so I stayed and... took in the view. They came back for me just in time to see me walk off with an employee... stripper. And the rest is erotic history. She was nice. I was suave. She totally dug my shit. And curls. It was a great night.

So that's the good news. Now the bad news; I'm addicted to water. The H2O kind of water. From the filter in the kitchen. I go through glasses of that stuff and I always want more. I need help. One day I'm going to wake up in a sweat and feel hydrated, and like I really need to urinate. Nachos too. I'm addicted to them. In face, the more I keep typing about water and nachos, the more I want nachos and Milo. Water... nachos... Milo... lingerie. These are a few of my favourite things. I'm a-go make some right now. Be right back!

Ok back. Now for the ugly news! I have a new desktop wallpaper. It's so very hot. Oh wait, ugly news. Right. Hotornot.com! That's ugly news. I swear the ratio of hot to not is 1:50033626. I crushed so many egos on that site. In fact, if I had to choose a username, I'd call myself "Egokrushah." Because I'm original and stuff. People would think I'm from a foreign country. And I'd have to explain to them cleavage does not automatically mean you get an 8; Cleavage is bonus points, not... points. And I'd explain it with an accent. Probably Swedish.

And in my spare time I managed to break some super strong glass, cut myself on it and then mourn the loss of the glass. Also managed to get drunk the week before that, walk 100 miles, kick a tricycle, urinate inside a school and save the world from an invasion of stupidity. Not everything in the previous sentence was true. Which is it? Find out never!

Now to leave on a heavy topic; elephants.

Oh! Also, today so happens to be date of birth for someone I know. She knows who she is... Happy Birthday tubbeh! *Poke* Many Milos your way!

Goodmorning, goodday, goodafternoon and goodnight!