we value your call

What is the deal? Somebody tell me what the deal is with these automated answering messages that want you to tell them what you require. I understand the need to direct caller traffic, but what was wrong with using a numbered menu? You know, "Press 1 if you want to complain about automated messages not listening and interrupting you."

I don't get how anyone thought that getting people to say what they wanted would be an awesome idea. Did they consider accents? A need to be discrete? Noooo.

So there I was calling Customer Care. I just wanted to change a plan around. It wasn't supposed to be a challenge or take longer than, say, 5 minutes. But it was and it did. I can't blame the operators either, because they were a light at the end of this automated tunnel. I'll do my best to recall the "conversations."

"Welcome to Customer Care. In a few words, please describe what you are calling for"
me: .... plan
"Sorry, please describe what you are calling for... "
me: pl-
"For example: mobile plans, general enquiry, products, new accounts."
me: mob-
"You can say any of those. So, what is the purpose of your call?"
me: mobile plan
"I'm having difficulty understanding. Please say what you are calling for."
me: mo-bile plaaan
"Sorry, if you are calling for mobile phones, please press 1. If you are calling for something else, please press 2."
me: *one*
"Thank you, I will direct you to an operator who will assist you."

And of course I forgot what number I needed, so I hung up on an operator. They'd understand, and it saved time.
Of course this meant I had to call again.

The second time around I honestly got lost in this labrynth of automated responses. I had to try again. And again. It was getting pretty crazy and I was bordering between yelling and laughing at myself yelling.

"Welcome to Customer Care. In a few words, please describe what you are calling for"
me: Mo-Bile PLaanN
"Okay, was that mobile plans? Please say yes or no."
me: yes
"Please just say yes or no. Was that mobile plans?"
me: Yesss
"Thank you. Are you calling for the number you are using now? Just say yes or no."
me: no
"Sorry, please just say yes or no. Is this the number you are calling for?"
me: NO FUCK YA
"Okay! I will direct you to an operator who will answer assist you further. Thank you for calling Customer Care."

And then I'm put on hold with really bad music before I finally managed to speak with someone real. I was so happy I wanted to cry.

Although the operator I spoke to had a habit of going "mmhm?" after everything he said. I think he meant it as "Understand?" "Right?" "Capiche?"

Mmhm?

- G