fish in the sea

We've all, at one stage, been part of a big business. It might have been a franchise chain, or a full-fledged conglomerate. You know, the kind of behemoth company that owns everything and anything, related or not, and the unwary consumer doesn't realise that their preference for one brand over another (and the subsequent arguing for it) is meaningless, since both brands are owned by the same company.

That is why it makes sense to have certain hierarchies in large companies. It's obvious that a small group of boardroom-dwelling obese men don't know much about any of the products any of their brands sell. They just make the big important decisions: "Is it time for a payrise?"

The other decisions are delegated down a chain, which comes to an abrupt stop at what is affectionately known as "store level." Most chains are something like this, but I've taken the liberty of modifying it to meet Modern Cynic Standards (MCS).


As you can see, "Peons" take up the largest area. This is because there are more of them than any other type in the organizational chain. As with any majority, they are favoured the least, ignored and misunderstood. For large business to shine, it is minority rule.

That's right: The decisions have to be made by small groups, who are elected by larger groups, all of whom are equally greedy. You may notice there is no Quality Control in there anyway. Some companies may have it, but in general it's a waste of resources. It doesn't matter what's made or how good it is, as long as it sells. See, by time it reaches the boardroom it's just part of a ridiculous figure; it works like a giant filter where everything impure and lumpy is sifted until it becomes money.

As a "Peon," you might know more about the store and the products and what policies are illogical, but it doesn't matter, because at the top somewhere, someone earning more than you decided it was a good idea without testing to see if it was, in fact, a good idea. Thus, big changes that make no sense or are impractical occur and are expected to be implemented, despite the obvious lack of practicality.

On the flipside -this is where it gets a little amusing - when the minority groups attempt to make contact with the majority, they are met with cynicism and snarls. The reason is because the attempts at contact are limited, brief and infrequent. Distance between shit-kickers and the board may as well be the distance from Earth to Neptune; where it's cold and lifeless, save for pockets of money.

As a result, when the surveys are sent around (because human contact is considered dangerous), nobody cares anymore and, thanks to years of neglect, nobody believes anything worthwhile will come of it. Not to mention the simple fact small fish like to pick on much larger fish.

Now that the very basics of peon versus rich moron have been covered, let us conclude: The entire chain is simply a series of assholes compounding on each other until the abrupt end at store level where the Manager, on top of being the biggest asshole, becomes the most hated, since he is the closest and easiest to hate.

- G ζ.

I've got a monkey on my back
And I just can't shake it
"Give it a banana!"
But the monkey won't go away