retail therapy

Ah, retail. What a wonderful concept. That marvelous end-of-the-line for products and middle-man between customers and production lines.

But how do you convince somebody to buy what your company sells? It shouldn't be too hard, should it, I mean they had to have wondered in with the intention of buying something. Ha! Pity that is not the case, as customers are given FTMO; Far Too Many Options. It all boils down to price. It's mostly true that expensive items are higher quality, but only mostly. You don't always get what you for. Sometimes you literally don't get what you pay for.

So, back to point. You earn a commission and you need to get products out the door. Forget morals, honesty and humanity, you have to get that dollar in your (company's) hand. Also, remember this: Customer service isn't about providing personal service, it's about making sure they spend money.

Now, to the magical method on making those buckaroos:

Basics: Start by telling your customer what the product/service is, how it works and what it's called.
Utility: Inform them what it is used for and why. Go on with its best application.
Lie: Make something seem more awesome than it is. If you don't know the real answer to any queries, this is where you pretend.
Lie more: Mention that you would definitely purchase the product/service, that your family/friend already has and that it is great.
Sell: Time's up, you gotta sell now. No price should have been mentioned until now (sure, it's labeled, but you weren't acknowledging that until you've created the image of value).
Honesties: Throw some truth in so it looks like you care. Talk about a disadvantage or two, but it make it pale in comparison to the sheer awesomeness of the product/service.
Intimate: Be a friend. You care and you're not like those other fake salesmen. Make a joke, laugh, tell them you love their eyes...
Transaction: Booya! Congratulations, you got the money and are free to run. The delicate dance is over and you can move on to the next victim, you money-vampire.

If the above method doesn't work, don't worry, it's all bullshit anyway.

- G

Commission is nice until you realise
That you're exactly like a company:
Screwing people for money.
I just want them to like me...
I shoulda been a hero.