speech therapy

I've always found it interesting how people speak differently and pronounce words in different ways, especially when they are from different countries or nationalities. It's odd how your environment can shape the way you say things. I guess we're all just parrots that want to mimic what we hear around us. I wonder if you'd make truck noises if that's all you really heard for many years (you liked the culture of trucks or something). Probably.

Anyway, I was on the phone to my beloved when we got talking about birthdays. I'm getting close to 22; I'm old she says. Yeah, well you're almost 18 missy.

Then there was laughter. She was laughing at the way I said 18: I suppose it sounded like a-dean, and I suppose that's funny when it should sound like eighteen. The funny thing is, I know how it should sound, because I usually figure how words are pronounced by the way they look. Eighteen is obviously not a-dean, and yet I say it like that. So, she's laughing at me and I repeat it for her amusement, like a circus monkey.

From there we talk about words and accents. Americans pronounce every letter, especially r. You may have noticed this when you listen to them. I think they also stretch out some endings, like yeahh, but probably not. They definitely do pronounce almost every letter as much as possible.

Like solar. Sole-arr. Not sola. Sole-arr.
Watermelon? Worterr-mal-oen.
Okay I might have stretched it a bit there, but nevertheless behold the laziness of Australians:

Battery - bat-er-e right? Wrong! Try Batchry. Yes, batchry.

Adean solea batchries thanks mate! Crikey, tell ya whadda think about it ya bloody drongo.

We Orsies (Ozzies, Aussies, Australians, Orstraliens, whatever) tend to skip letters - Sundy, Sat'dy) or get lazy and mash letters together (batchry). Butchya know wha'? I blame the early British. They send their convicts over here, which at the time is the middle of nowhere - Sidneh! - to do some in primitive little settlements and what does the world expect - we speak elegantly? The audacity, mon!

And how's this: mum and mom. The spelling and pronunciation of that word has to be one of the most debated. At least the spelling matches the pronunciation this time. It's just... different.
Ay mUm!
Hey morm.

I know my mUm says menu like minew.

Muther, mother. Father, farther. Brother, brutha, brew, bro. Yo-yo and a ho-ho.

I have an idea to settle every pronunciation and spelling debate across the globe: Just agree that the Kiwis say everything funny, especially their 'i's.

Yeh, I'll have soom feush 'n' cheups thanks brew. Seux dollahs? Man you reuppin me off brew!

As for me, I have no idea what my accent is. Sometimes I may sound like I'm from Home and Away, sometimes not (according to one source). But I couldn't even do an impersonation of an exaggerated Australian accent!

Maybe I should watch more American-made films with 'Australians' in it. By the way, it's Melbin, not Mel-born. Yes, it is spelled Melbourne, but it's our city damnit, say it like we do!

Or I'll, um, move to Sidneh and start speaking like Steve Erwin.

-G ζ.

I collect lightning in jars for a living
and I have no idea what the fuck you just said